We’re all about filtering out the nasty stuff from our drinking water to ensure it’s super healthy and tasty. But there are a
few other things, besides gunk in water, that we wish we could also filter out
to make life a little sweeter. Highly subjective, purely our own opinion.
Agree? Disagree?
Banter
While we love a
good chat and a right laugh, it’s just the term ‘banter’ that needs filtering
out. Anyone who says they’re the king or queen of banter is guaranteed to be
completely self-delusional and unable to hold a proper conversation for
laughing at their own contrived ‘jokes’. Anyone who even utters the term
‘bants’ should be shunned from all social interaction completely.
Zoom bookcase backgrounds
Just because you’re on a Zoom call and sitting in front of a shelf full of
random books you’ve never read does not automatically give you the authority
here. It’s today’s equivalent of wearing glasses just to make yourself look
intelligent. And those ‘hilarious’ fuzzy fake backgrounds don’t cut it either. Look
at me - I’m on a stock photo beach!
Food packaging
It’s bad enough
that most food packaging is plastic, let alone plastic that you can’t even open
without a combination of three different kitchen utensils, the strength of a
gorilla, the dexterity of a brain surgeon and the patience of a saint. Cue rice
everywhere.
Face mask on, nose out
Face masks might be
divisive but, whatever your preference, if you’re going to wear one - wear one
properly. Hanging off an ear or tucked under the chin is bad enough, but what’s
with covering your mouth while leaving your nose uncovered? Ever heard of a
virus so offended by being blocked from your mouth that it refuses to breeze up
your nostril instead?
Social media miracle cures
Those cheap and
tacky old TV infomercials have evolved into suspiciously slick and pervasive
vids filling up your socials. Now we’re inundated with hitherto unheard of
miracle cures that defy established medical science, let alone decent common
sense: Syringe your own ears! White paint for your teeth! Laser off your own
eye bags!
The sports commentator jinx
Love a good bit of
positivity. But then there’s the giddy-as a-kipper sports commentator who
prematurely proclaims that our home country has now most definitely won the
entire championship before any whistle’s blown or line’s crossed. You know that
we’ll now most definitely fall flat on our smug faces in the very last minute
of play and suddenly lose it all in the most unlikely and highly spectacular
fashion.
Home-working experts
Now a few of us are doing it a bit more, there’s a glut of self-proclaimed
‘experts’ on how to work from home trying to sell us their exclusive online
courses (with a 36% one-time only extremely time-limited discount so book
now!). These highly experienced consultants tease you with genius-like incisive
gems such as ‘separate your space’, ‘lock your unruly child under the stairs’,
‘sit in front of a bookcase’ before charging you an exorbitant fee for spending
hours watching a series of rambling, self-promotional videos. The ultimate
recommendation is that you simply knock up a huge home office extension that
you definitely can’t afford (and you live in a flat anyway). Or buy a big
house. In the country.
Crappy life hacks
You’ve seen these
online and on daytime TV - the cheap-as-chips life hacks that will
revolutionise your everyday existence on this planet. And on-one else knows it
yet. But they definitely work. Behold the wardrobe organiser made out of old
ring-pulls; the DIY stain remover constituting vodka, dishwasher salt and
battery acid; the fly catcher made from paper clips, pound coins and panty
pads; the hands-free crisp packet involving eating from the hood of a
back-to-front hoodie… Actually, we quite like that last one.
Anyone who took up jewellery making
(or similar) during lockdown
We really don’t want to knock enterprising endeavours - we’ll gladly make
lemonade when life gives us lemons and our pint is definitely half-full. But
there’s something a teensy bit rankling about people proclaiming a Damascus-like
epiphany during lockdown following which they’ve successfully swapped a highly
lucrative career as a stockbroker for an equally remunerative life of making
jewellery out of bits of old wire and gravel in their crafts den. Sorry, we’re
just not buying that one.
Face filters
The one filter
we’re not fans of. There’s just something creepy about filtering your own face
on your socials. What is it with the googly eyes, the plastic complexion, the
dog ears, the face of a completely different person altogether? As Aguilera
once rightfully sang: you are beautiful in every single way. Filters can bring
you down. So ditch them. Not the ones that filter your water though. Those
filters are for keeps.
Once you add the Smart Package to your basket, and progress to the last stage of the checkout process, we will then add in your discount. So don't worry if you don't see it before then (such as in the cart).
Once you add the Smart Package to your basket, and progress to the last stage of the checkout process, we will then add in your discount. So don't worry if you don't see it before then (such as in the cart).
Once you add the Smart Package to your basket, and progress to the last stage of the checkout process, we will then add in your discount. So don't worry if you don't see it before then (such as in the cart).
Once you add the Smart Package to your basket, and progress to the last stage of the checkout process, we will then add in your discount. So don't worry if you don't see it before then (such as in the cart).
Once you add a Package to your basket, and progress to the last stage of the checkout process, we will then add in your discount. So don't worry if you don't see it before then (such as in the cart).
Once you add a Package to your basket, and progress to the last stage of the checkout process, we will then add in your discount. So don't worry if you don't see it before then (such as in the cart).
Once you add a Package to your basket, and progress to the last stage of the checkout process, we will then add in your discount. So don't worry if you don't see it before then (such as in the cart).
Once you add a Package to your basket, and progress to the last stage of the checkout process, we will then add in your discount. So don't worry if you don't see it before then (such as in the cart).
Once you add a Package to your basket, and progress to the last stage of the checkout process, we will then add in your discount. So don't worry if you don't see it before then (such as in the cart).
Once you add a Package to your basket, and progress to the last stage of the checkout process, we will then add in your discount. So don't worry if you don't see it before then (such as in the cart).
Once you add a Package to your basket, and progress to the last stage of the checkout process, we will then add in your discount. So don't worry if you don't see it before then (such as in the cart).
Once you add a Package to your basket, and progress to the last stage of the checkout process, we will then add in your discount. So don't worry if you don't see it before then (such as in the cart).
Once you add a Package to your basket, and progress to the last stage of the checkout process, we will then add in your discount. So don't worry if you don't see it before then (such as in the cart).
Once you add a Package to your basket, and progress to the last stage of the checkout process, we will then add in your discount. So don't worry if you don't see it before then (such as in the cart).
Once you add a Package to your basket, and progress to the last stage of the checkout process, we will then add in your discount. So don't worry if you don't see it before then (such as in the cart).
Once you add a Package to your basket, and progress to the last stage of the checkout process, we will then add in your discount. So don't worry if you don't see it before then (such as in the cart).
Once you add a Package to your basket, and progress to the last stage of the checkout process, we will then add in your discount. So don't worry if you don't see it before then (such as in the cart).
Once you add a new subscription package to your basket, we will apply the first month free discount, which will be visible in your cart. So don’t worry if you don’t see it right away.
